


(the road not taken looks real good now)

by JediAnnieScrambler



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Cheating Scandal, Extramarital Affairs, F/M, No beta we disappear without mention like Mandy, Post Bartlett Administration, Post-Canon Fix-It, Yearning, haha in more ways than one, tis the damn season, yes you all got me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:14:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29167053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JediAnnieScrambler/pseuds/JediAnnieScrambler
Summary: It began when she appeared on his doorstep, wind blown, and hesitant. She was in town to visit the Bartlets, a coming home of sorts, on his porch.
Relationships: C. J. Cregg/Toby Ziegler
Comments: 6
Kudos: 31





	(the road not taken looks real good now)

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of tis the damn season by Taylor Swift

It was something they did, whenever she was in New York. Her hands on the headboard, his hands on her hips, her wedding ring on the bedside table. Decades of lost time made up in a weekend, words they were too scared to say years ago, whispered in the heat of the moment only for them to pretend like they didn’t mean it in the morning. 

(But never when he was in California.) 

It began when she appeared on his doorstep, wind blown, and hesitant. She was in town to visit the Bartlets, a coming home of sorts, on his porch. 

They went to get coffee and ended up in a hotel room. 

“This is a bad idea,” he said as she unbuttoned his shirt, “You’re with… married.”

“Do you want me to stop?” she asked, not meeting his gaze. 

“No,” his hands circled her waist, pulling her in for a long kiss. 

(He said her name like a prayer that night, her hands balled in the sheets, eyes fixed on the ceiling.) 

The second time her hair was lighter, like when he’d asked her to come to New Hampshire, like when she’d fallen in the pool, like when he’d stolen her away. 

They tried dinner that time, keeping up the pretense of old friends catching up. But the restaurant was in her hotel and they skipped dessert. 

“Are you sure?” he said, hands under her shirt, her sitting in his lap. 

“We’ll call it even,” she replied, pulling off her sweater.

(For the time in California, when she couldn’t get out of her wet clothes fast enough, and again at Camp David, when he forgot to mention that his ex was pregnant.) 

Their eyes met across the pillow, morning light creeping in around the curtains, spilling over the bed. She exhaled as he inhaled. He reached out, smoothing back her hair, fingertips trailing across her cheekbone. 

“What time is your flight?” He asked.

“Let’s just stay in bed all day,” she said with a smile, “Forget about everything else.”

But CJ’s smile didn’t reach her eyes, and they both knew. 

(Even after years of practice, Toby could tell every time she lied. She could stand behind the podium and spin anything thrown at her, she could interview with all her PR training and yet still be an open book to him.) 

They dropped the pretense of lunch, coffee, dinner after that. He stopped asking about Danny, stopped asking if she was sure. They could no longer call it a mistake, a bad decision caused by an evening of drinks. After the third time they’d passed the point of no return, throwing themselves off the cliff and into bed. 

He kissed her shoulder, kissed her neck, kissed her breasts. She sighed, head back as she moved, rising and falling in time with their breathes, slowly at first then faster. 

They were wrapped up in each other, moving in sync, gasps and moans growing more and more erratic until finally- 

(“I- I  _ love _ you-“) 

It was only once or twice a year, and in the in betweens she pretended like she didn’t ache for him. She pretended like she didn’t count back the days from her daughter’s birthday, pretended that she wasn’t in New York that weekend. 

She threw herself into her work, into raising her daughter, anything to stop herself from thinking about how different her life would be had she made another decision. But all thoughts led back to him, back to them. 

(She had his eyes, his penetrating gaze- and it only deepened CJ’s yearning for the east coast) 

It had been too long since he’d seen her. Her hair was longer again, and she had that particular look of exhaustion that all new mothers had. But there she stood, on his doorstep yet again, baby on her hip. It reminded him of the first time, but unlike then, this felt different- there was a shift in the air. 

“Hey,” he said. 

“Hey,” she said. 

“The twins are with Andy this weekend,” he said, “They’ll be sad they missed you.” 

He made them coffee, handing CJ a mug as she sat on his living room floor, letting her daughter crawl around. She wriggled over to him, pulling herself up on his pant leg. CJ smiled, watching as Toby picked her daughter up. 

The squirming toddler cooed up at him, “She has your smile,” he said. 

“And your eyes.” 

She watched him with an unwavering gaze. She wasn’t wearing her wedding ring anymore. She was waiting for a reply. 

“What are you saying CJ,” said Toby.

“She’s yours,” CJ said softly. 

His.  _ Theirs _ . 

(They talk into the night, really talk, the way they used to, the way they hadn’t in years. She’s moving back to DC, she wants to get a house with a yard outside the city.)

“I have a house with a yard,” he said, “outside the city.” 

She looked up at him, a slow smile spreading across her face.


End file.
